Archive for September 2009
Aviation CEOs to cut emissions by 50 per cent
Posted by: richarddennison on: September 22, 2009
Aviation CEOs will tomorrow make a dramatic pledge to slash their personal emissions in half by 2050. Aviation consultant, Bob Dixon, commented: “This news will be welcomed around the world as, frankly, we’re all sick and tired of airline CEOs bleating endlessly on and on and on about how hard-done-by they are.” Particularly welcome is [...]
Confusion around mansion tax a case of mistaken identity
Posted by: richarddennison on: September 21, 2009
- In: Nick Clegg
- 1 Comment
The fog of confusion surrounding the new Lib Dem ‘mansion tax’ announced in Bournemouth yesterday has been clarified by a party spokesperson: “The reason Nick Clegg was unable to answer any of the detailed questions surrounding our new flagship £1m house tax, is that the press were actually asking an innocent passer-by whom they mistook [...]
That Gordon Brown TUC speech in full
Posted by: richarddennison on: September 16, 2009
“Let’s be absolutely clear … cuts are now an unavoidable part of all our lives. It’s time to cut-to-the-chase with some hard talking. So, I pledge to cut the following if Labour is returned to power after the next general election: my hair, the grass, bread, cards, and Mandelson’s throat … however, let’s be absolutely [...]
Statement on product placement from Chanel No.10 Downing Quality Street
Posted by: richarddennison on: September 14, 2009
Speaking from Chanel No.10 Downing Quality Street, the Primark minister, Gordon’s Gin Brown said: “Easing the rules around product placement will bring in Wrigley’s Extra revenue for commercial broadcasters in an unobtrusive Milky Way – a kind of Double Decker win-Windows situation. We are not making this decision under Durex from commercial broadcasters.” He continued: [...]
Agenda test ‘inconclusive’
Posted by: richarddennison on: September 11, 2009
‘Agenda’ tests carried out on Gordon Brown have proved inconclusive and heightened the controversy surrounding his political leanings, leading to the possibility of his exclusion from future competitions for power. The tests seem to reveal that Mr Brown has ‘inter-agenda status’. Professor Bob Cresswell, who carried out the tests, explained: “The tests were designed to [...]
Reaction to MG Rover report
Posted by: richarddennison on: September 11, 2009
The scale of the scandal surrounding MG Rover was revealed today in all its gory detail. Said one former MG Rover worker: “I’m simply stunned at how this could possibly be justified on any level. It’s a fantastical story of greed and waste and lack of accountability.” He continued: “How could the government spend £16m [...]
The unacceptable face of capitalism …
Posted by: richarddennison on: September 11, 2009
An 830-page report which took 16 months to write and cost taxpayers £16m which concludes: no one did anything illegal the government is blameless the directors of MG Rover are a bunch of greedy b+st+rds no one can do anything about it now er … that’s it!
President Karzai responds to latest election forecasts
Posted by: richarddennison on: September 9, 2009
In response to the news that President Karzai looks like winning the Afghan election outright, he proclaimed: “The Afghan people have spoken – so strongly in fact, that I have been honoured to receive 150% of the vote in some provinces. I am humbled by the strength of will of my people. We are all [...]
Cadbury rejects takeover bid from Kraft Foods
Posted by: richarddennison on: September 7, 2009
- In: Cadbury
- 4 Comments
Cadbury has rejected a £10.2bn takeover bid from Kraft Foods. A Cadbury spokesperson said: “We heard a wispa of this last week but when it came to crunchie time this morning, the offer was too flakey. We don’t want to end up with crème egg all over our faces – we all just want to [...]
PM puts record straight on Libyan compensation claims
Posted by: richarddennison on: September 7, 2009
- In: Gordon Brown | Libya
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