Annoying little man

Aviation CEOs will tomorrow make a dramatic pledge to slash their personal emissions in half by 2050. Aviation consultant, Bob Dixon, commented: “This news will be welcomed around the world as, frankly, we’re all sick and tired of airline CEOs bleating endlessly on and on and on about how hard-done-by they are.”

Particularly welcome is the fact that Willie Walsh and Michael O’Leary, Irish CEOs of BA and Ryanair respectively, have agreed to reduce their constant whining and whingeing emissions to 50 per cent of their 2005 levels. Continued Bob Dixon: “Normally, the Irish accent is a soft, lilting, lyrical sound but listening to Wash and O’Leary is like listening to an Irish jump jockey who’s been tossed off his mount onto something extremely sharp.”

Commenting on the announcement, climate change minister Ed Miliband, said: “While in global terms reducing airline CEO emissions will not make a significant difference to halting climate change, it will add significantly to the quality of life of those of us who have been forced to experience the unchecked emissions from these men until now.”